


All I Wanted Was Pizza!

by RoseyR



Category: South Park
Genre: Asexual Character, Craig is fabulous and gay, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Genderfluid Character, M/M, Out of Character, Randomness, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Fluff, confused Tweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 11:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13762821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseyR/pseuds/RoseyR
Summary: All the new kid wanted was to eat the last slice of pizza at home, they didn't want to get involved with another couples counseling, helping Craig find the perfect shoes to match with his skirt, making sure Tweek doesn't find out about Craig's little secret, doing something with Butters and Kenny, and trying not to kick Cartman's ass.Seriously, is getting a slice of pizza too much to ask?





	All I Wanted Was Pizza!

**Author's Note:**

> Another random and completely more for me than a certain audience group story! I actually did work on updated "Little Monsters" but I honestly didn't like how it came out, so I'm redoing. I might update it during the weekend or something, since I always get more inspiration when I'm not busy with school. So yeah, those who saw ch 4 already, sorry, but that has been deleted and will be replaced very soon.
> 
> For now, since I felt like it and because I'm still a bit sick. I present you another new kid story with Creek and a few other relationships!
> 
> This stories contains:  
> Craig likes being fabulous.  
> New kid is very sassy, so is Tweek.  
> References to the Stick of Truth and the Fractured But Whole  
> No real concept at all!

School has ended and all the kids have started walking home or hanging out with their friends. For one lone child, their mission...

Get the last slice of pizza in the fridge before their dad comes home and takes it.

The new kid quickly runs through the crowd of kids and quickly headed their way home. It was times like this when the new kid wishes they could use the fast pass and get home quicker, but unfortunately, Jimmy is doing a comedy act and Timmy was no where to be seen.

The new continued running home, but stopped when they spotted a very agitated looking Cartman.

"God fucking damn it!"

"Cartman, what are you yelling about now?" Kyle sighed as he looked at his fat friend.

"I don't know Kyle! Maybe it's because my fucking mom made me go on a fucking diet! Who the hell does she think she is!"

"Dude, I'm sure she's doing it because you're getting fatter than usual..."

"Fuck you! I'll show her!" Cartman started taking out something out of his backpack.

"What are you doing fat ass?"

"Well you see Kyle, I don't start my diet until tomorrow, so I might as well eat all my favorite foods today and prove to my mom that eating all of this won't make me fat!"

"How the hell are you going to pull this off dude?"

"Well that's why you're going to help me, along with Stan and Kenny."

"No can do. Stan and Wendy are having another fight, Kenny is...somewhere...and I have to go home...oh and I don't want to get involved with this bullshit."

"What!?"

"Later fat ass, hope you die from all that junk you eat," Kyle then proceeded walking away.

"Fuck you you fucking Jew! Damn it! Now I got to find someone who..." Cartman suddenly made eye contact with the new kid and the new kid paled. "New kid! There you are, I have something to tell you!"

The new kid quickly turned around and started running.

"Hey! New kid! Get back here!"

The new kid kept running until they were inside the gymnasium. New kid peeked outside and saw Cartman running...or trying to run, looking for them. Cartman continued to yell out for them, but ran passed the gym. New kid sighed in relief.

"Oh new kid, glad to see you m'kay." New kid turned around and saw Mr. Mackey, Wendy, and Stan. This all...looked familiar.

"New kid, what are you doing here?" Stan asked.

"Isn't it obvious? Since they helped Craig and Tweek with their couple quarrel, they're offering to help us!" Wendy said.

New kid looked at the three and tried to see if they can escape from this situation. On one hand, pizza is waiting for them at home, on the other...if they don't do this, Wendy would probably kick their asses. They knew what she did in third grade.

The new kid sighed and headed towards them. They sat in the middle like they did for Craig and Tweek. They hope this time no fighting is involved and that it'll be quick. Their dad will be coming home soon.

"Okay so it seems that you two are having a lover's quarrel, m'kay."

"I mean...I don't understand what's the big deal..."

"The big deal here Stan is that you're spending more time with your friends than me...again! I thought giving you space would be fine and all, but you're ignoring my texts, my calls...heck, you even walked passed me in the hallways today!"

Ouch. Bad move Stan. The new kid couldn't help but judge the boy slightly.

"Oh come on Wendy, I'm just need to hang out with the guys while I'm still young...and stop looking at me like that new kid!" Stan glared at the new kid. The new kid simply looked away, whistling, but Stan can tell they're still judging him. "Ugh...just...come on Wendy, can't we just let this go?"

"No way Stan! I just...I think it's best that we break up...again..."

"What! No I don't want to break up...again!" Stan exclaimed.

"I'm sorry Stan, but if you can't learn to commit...then...what's the point? I'm sorry for wasting your time Mr. Mackey," Wendy said as she started to cry.

"Oh it's quite alright. I didn't really know how to solve this anyways since the school board told me I can't use the beating up expectations and stuff anymore, m'kay."

"Right...well Stan...guess we're...b-broken up!" Wendy quickly ran out of the room.

"Wendy..." Stan looked at the ground, looking depressed.

"Don't be sad Stan, there's plenty of fishes in the sea, m'kay."

"But I don't want any other fishes...I just want Wendy..."

New kid sighed and got up. They thought of leaving and heading home, but knew that they couldn't leave things like this. New kid really hated how they can't let things go. New kid looked at Stan and patted their back.

"Y-you're gonna talk to Wendy?"

"...."

"I'll take that as a yes," Stan said.

New kid sighed and headed to the direction Wendy went.

It took awhile, but after asking...or at least gesturing to people if they have seen Wendy, the new kid found themselves in front of the girl's bathroom. The new kid was glad that the school allowed gender-fluid kids like them to enter either bathrooms...actually they think the school didn't really care. The new kid entered the bathroom and saw Wendy crying in front of the sinks.

"New kid...why are you here? Did...did Stan sent you?" The new kid nodded. "Well just tell him that I'm fine and that he can hang out with his friends all he wants...I'm not going to stop him...besides...I'm an independent woman, and I don't need a man to make me happy!"

"..."

"I-I know...hanging out with Stan is fun...and I do like hanging out with him if we're not doing anything romantic..."

"..."

"Yeah...it was fun playing superhero with him...even though Cartman was being a total ass about it. How was I suppose to know that there's a union for this kind stuff?"

"..."

"...I...I do miss Stan...and I do like his friends...except for Cartman...and I guess I've been ignoring him whenever I hang with the girls..."

"..."

"You're right...I'm not being fair about this...I think...I think I'll give Stan another chance and we can work out the days we can be together and when we should be with our friends."

The new kid nodded and gave Wendy a thumbs up.

"Thanks new kid, you're a real friend. Oh but you better get out of here before people start thinking you're a girl. A lot of people still don't know you're gender-fluid yet."

"..."

Wendy leaves the bathroom, probably to meet up with Stan back in the gym. New kid knew they aren't needed anymore. The new kid got out of the bathroom and headed home.

"New kid!"

Shit. New kid turned and saw Cartman. They ran away.

"Get back here Douchebag!"

* * *

Craig is walking home after picking up something from the post office. Craig was nervous. He was glad the box in his hand was normal looking and didn't show any hints of what he bought online. Craig only wished he didn't have to travel all the way from the post office to get his delivery, but he wasn't risking his sister from finding it.

Craig looked at the box and couldn't help but wanting to look at it. Craig opened the box and took a tiny peek inside. Craig couldn't help the smile that was forming. Craig looked around and made sure there was no one. As much as Craig loves the item inside, he doesn't want anyone knowing, not even his boyfriend can find out about this.

New kid kept running, even if Cartman was already far behind, new kid realize the boy was pretty quick on his feet when he really wants something. New kid kept running, not even looking ahead of them. They kept running and running, until they bumped into someone.

New kid accidentally crashes into Craig, causing them to fall backwards. Craig let go of the box he was holding, allowing the item inside to come out.

When New kid hits the ground, they felt something land on their head. New kid takes the thing off and looked at it. It was a pink and black skirt.

"...."

Craig winced when he landed on the ground. He glared at the person who bumped into him, but paled when he realized they were holding their secret item.

"...I-it's not what you think!"

"..."

"It's for my sister! S-she um...she..."

"..."

"L-look...I know it looks too big on her...and it's too small for my mom...but there's no way it belongs to me!"

"..."

"It's not mine!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Fuck!" Craig quickly stands up and grabs the new kid by the arm. He quickly dragged them inside his house. Once inside, Craig grabs the skirt from the new kid's hands and glared at them. "I swear, if you tell anyone about this I'll fucking kill you, asshole!"

"..."

"Fuck...don't look at me like that...I just...I just happen to like dressing up okay! Is there something wrong with that!?"

"..." Not really, the new kid thought. The new kid honestly didn't care what Craig did or what his hobbies were. All they want is to go home and get that pizza.

"...I mean...I didn't mean to actually like this stuff at first...it's just...Clyde happened to see that I was following this beauty blog which I don't remember following, so I think my sister was on my account by accident...but anyways, Clyde just dared me to wear some these girly clothes...I decided to humor him...I just...I didn't realize how fun it was wearing a skirt and knew socks..."

"..." The new kid tried to imagine Craig wearing these clothes...they actually thought Craig would look pretty, especially if he styled his black hair a bit.

"S-still...I like wearing this stuff, but I don't want anyone to know about it! Not even Tweek! I swear to god, if you tell anyone..."

The new kid stared at him with a "are you serious right now?" face.

"...Right...you don't talk..."

"..."

"...Fuck...I guess I was overreacting...I really hate it when I lose control of my emotions like that...I'm sorry..."

"..." New kid wondered if they can leave now. New kid backed up and was about to head to the door.

"Wait!" Craig grabbed their arm.

"...?"

"...Look...you're the only one that knows about this...except for Tricia, she found out a couple months ago...but listen...Tricia is...the only one that helps me match my clothes...and well...since she's not here...I was um...w-was wondering if you...fuck...please don't make me say it..."

"..." The new kid looked at him and couldn't help but feel like they should help him. Beside, the new kid really wants to see Craig in a skirt. The new kid nods and grabs the skirt.

"...Thanks new kid...but seriously, if you tell anyone about this, I will kill you. I do have a knife you know," Craig threatened. He then headed upstairs, while a very nervous new kid follows him.

* * *

"I-I'm done. I-I'll come out now..."

New kid sat on Craig's bed as they waited patiently for Craig to back inside his room after changing into the clothes he picked. When Craig entered, new kid couldn't help but gush at how cute Craig looked.

New kid grinned and started clapping.

"S-shut up...but thanks..." Craig blushed. He was wearing a black sweater with the word "fabulous" in the middle. The skirt that Craig bought matched very well with the sweater. Craig was also wearing cat print high knee socks. Over all, Craig looked cute. "Thanks again for helping me with my hair...I usually look it up or get Tricia to help.

New kid nods. It was a good thing Craig had a curler. New kid was able to style Craig's short hair a bit to make him look more cute and feminine. From a single glance, you couldn't tell if Craig was a girl or not. The only way to tell is if he spoke or if he showed his waist.

"I...actually look good...this is better than Tricia's...thanks new kid..."

The new kid gave them a thumbs up.

"Right...I just...I wish I had the perfect shoes for this...maybe some high tops...ugh...I'd would buy them online as well, but they never seem to have the right size for me..."

"..." The new kid knew they were in a hurry in getting home, but this was a fashion emergency. New kid got up and started typing something in their phone. They then showed Craig a store in town that has the perfect shoes for him.

"...I can't just buy them! Even if I dress like this, Someone is bound to recognize! Especially Clyde and Token since they've already seen me in girl's clothes!"

"..." New kid started thinking and had an idea. New kid pulls the sweater off of Craig and puts it one themselves.

"...That's...a good idea! If you come with me, then people will think I'm helping you buying the shoes for you! Good job, butt stuff." New kid grins at them and started heading for the door. "Um...aren't you going to take that off?" Craig gestured to the sweater.

"..." Nope. New kid winks at him and continues heading out.

Craig isn't the only one that likes feeling fabulous.

* * *

Craig and the new kid made it to the mall and were now trying to find the store that had the shoes.

"Over there!" Craig pointed. They found the store and started heading towards it.

"Welcome to Girl's Love Shoes, how may I help you?"

"Um...we're just looking for these high tops," Craig said as new kid showed the picture to the clerk.

"Oh we just have what you're looking for, are you shopping for your girlfriend little boy?"

"Girlfriend?" Craig looked at the new kid and they simply shrugged. "Um...you're mistaken sir..."

"Mistaken...well then...that's weird..."

"What's weird?"

"Well...if she's your little friend...then why are you shopping with her? That doesn't sound right you know..."

Craig started getting nervous. "W-what's so weird about shopping for shoes with your friends?"

"Oh it's not weird...if they're both girls...but you're a boy...so...if you're not her boyfriend..."

Craig knew he was going to regret this. "I am! It's just...they are gender-fluid...so they prefer the they and them noun."

"Oh...I see...well then...I'll help you two love birds find those shoes," The clerk went to the back to get the shoes.

"..." The new kid looked at Craig and crossed their arms.

"Hey, just pretend alright...I'm surprised he doesn't know that I'm gay...then again...this store was recently new..."

"..."

"Just be glad that we're getting the shoes. After this you're free to go and do whatever the hell you want."

That shut the new kid up...if they were actually talking in the first place. After the clerk brought back the shoes, and Craig making sure they were the right size, they bought them and headed their way out.

"Glad that's over with, glad no one suspects anything," Craig said.

New kid nodded and was happy that they'll be heading home soon, but suddenly, they heard a loud yelp.

"Gah!"

New kid turned around and noticed a familiar messy haired blonde. Crap.

* * *

"Nnnnggg....Jesus...this is hard! I don't know which one to pick!"

"Dude, are you going to order or not?"

"S-sorry...just...gah! Why are there so many flavors!?"

"Just pick a crepe already, you're holding up the line kid."

"Nnngg...just...just...hold on! I need to call my boyfriend about this..." Tweek stepped to the side and allowed the customers behind him to order. He got out his phone and started looking for Craig's number. "Nngg...hope he isn't too busy...or maybe he is...nnngg...then again...I'm his boyfriend so he shouldn't be busy when it comes to me! Yeah! If he tries to fucking hang up on me I'll fucking kick his a-ass...nngg....now where's his number..." Tweek kept looking for Craig's number, he really wishes he organized his contacts a bit more. He was surprised he had so many people whose names stars with C are in his contacts. Weird.

While Tweek was looking, he suddenly looks up when he thought he saw a familiar blue chullo hat with a yellow poof ball.

"Craig!" Tweek smiled when he saw his boyfriend, but his smile drops when he saw his boyfriend with the new kid. "H-huh? what are they doing here..." Tweek started to feel uneasy. He put his phone away and started following the two. Tweek saw them enter that new shoe store that was meant for girls. Tweek was starting to get really confused. Why would Craig and the new kid go to a female shoe store?

"Oh...I see...well then...I'll help you two love birds find those shoes." Love birds...what? Tweek watched as the store clerk went to the back, leaving Craig and the new kid alone for a bit. Tweek watched as Craig lean close and started whispering to them. Tweek was really starting to feel uneasy.

The clerk came back and handed the two a pair of shoes. They looked like high tops. Tweek watched as the two leaves the store, he then sees them whispering something to each other.

"W-wait...are they s-smiling at each other!? What the fuck!?" Tweek was now getting pissed. He didn't want to believe what he was seeing, but the evidence was obvious. Craig was cheating on him with the new kid. "T-that son of a bitch! I can't believe he's cheating on me! Gah!" Tweek couldn't take it anymore. Once the new kid turned and looked at him, he attacked.

"You fucking cheater!"

"Tweek!?"

"...!"

"I can't believe you would do this to me! I knew you were an asshole, but I never thought you would cheat on me!"

"Tweek, this is a huge misunderstanding!"

"Oh yeah? Well it looks to me that you're shopping shoes with the new kid! You never come with me to shop!"

"That's because you barely shop in the first place!"

"That's not the point! How could you fucking go out with them behind my back Craig! I thought I meant something to you!"

"Tweek you do, seriously, this isn't what it looks like!"

"Fuck you Craig! You lying no good cheater!"

"Tweek seriously..."

"No you listen to me! If it weren't for me then you would be getting your ass in detention all the time!"

"Tweek."

"If it wasn't for me, then you wouldn't have Stripe #4 with you!"

"Tweek."

"If it wasn't for me then-"

"Tweek! These shoes aren't for new kid, they're for me!"

Everyone in the mall stopped what they were doing and looked directly at Craig. Tweek stared at him with wide eyes, Craig shut his mouth after what he said, and new kid slapped their forehead. All they wanted was a slice of pizza.

"...What?"

"...God fucking damn it!" Craig grabs both Tweek and new kid's arms and dragged them out of the mall. Guess Craig isn't coming back to the mall any time soon.

* * *

"S-so...you have this...secret hobby where you dress in girl's clothes?" Tweek asked as he stared at all of Craig's secret clothing.

"...Yes..."

"...Why didn't you tell me?"

"...I didn't want you to think less of me...I know I'm suppose to be this tough guy who tends to be an asshole...but...I kinda like feeling...cute and pretty..."

"Craig...I would never think less of you if you do this kind of stuff...I mean...you're already gay, so might as well go all the way you know..."

"...Yeah...I guess..."

"Craig...if you want to dress in girl's clothes once in awhile, then you don't have to hide it, especially from me. I would have love to help you buy clothes."

"B-but what if people make fun of us?"

"Fuck them! Since when has Craig Tucker even cared about what other's think?"

"...I don't..."

"Exactly! So if you want to wear clothes that makes you fabulous, go right ahead...I...I actually would love to see it..." Tweek blushed.

"...Y-yeah...I would...love to show you one day..." Craig blushed, he had a shy smile on his face.

New kid smiled at the two, but really wished they would wrap this up so they could go home already. Their dad will be home soon.

"Actually...I would love to see it now..." Tweek said.

"Huh?"

"Come on Craig, I want to see you wearing a skirt," Tweek grinned.

"F-fuck no! I just told you about it! I-I don't want to show you!"

"You already showed the new kid, come on, show it to me!" Tweek begged.

"No! Fuck no!" Craig exclaimed as he flipped Tweek off.

"..." Tweek suddenly pushed Craig on his bed and was now straddling him.

"The fuck!"

"Hey new kid, I think you can leave now...while I play with my cute little Craig," Tweek smiled, it sent a shiver down the new kid's spine.

"C-cute...l-little?" Craig blushed.

"Hey...people keep saying I'm the power bottom...but with this new side of you Craig...I think I would like to try being the power top," Tweek smiled sweetly.

"...Fuck..."

New kid quickly closes the door and leaves Craig's house. As much as they were curious with what Tweek meant, they really need to get home and grab that slice of pizza. Before they left, they met up with Tricia.

"Oh...you're here..."

"..."

"...Is Craig and Tweek upstairs?"

New kid nodded.

"...Did Craig finally tell Tweek his secret hobby?"

New kid nodded.

"Oh...well I guess it's okay to give this to him," Tricia held up a pink hoodie that had the words "Fab" on the front.

"..." The new kid thumbs up the hoodie and proceeded on leaving. Once the new kid left Craig's house, they headed towards their house.

"New kid!"

Fuck. The new kid started sprinting.

* * *

"Gee Kenny, I don't know about this..."

"Mmmm mmmm mmfmm." Don't worry Butters."

"Alright...can you actually put down your hoodie? you're muffling even more than usual."

"Oh yeah, sorry. Still, it'll be fine, it's going to be fun!"

"Well alright...oh hey, it's the new kid. Maybe they can help us!"

"Good idea. New kid!"

"...!" New kid stopped running and was now trying to catch their breath.

"Woah, why were you running buddy?"

"..." The new kid stood up right and started gesturing about Cartman and how they were trying to ask them for something...something really really stupid and time consuming.

"Huh, well...if you help us with this little thing we're doing, I can hide you from Cartman."

"..." The new kid opened their mouth to respond."

"New kid! Where the fuck are you!?"

The new kid turned back and then looked back at the two. They nodded.

"Great! Hide behind us. We'll hide you."

The new kid sighed and quickly hid behind the two.

"New kid! Kenny! Butters, have you seen Douchebag?"

"Well gee, I haven't seen the new kid all day."

"Yeah...but I think I might have seen them run that way," Kenny said as he pointed at a random direction.

"God damn it! I'll fucking get you new kid!" Cartman exclaimed as he continued running. Once it was safe, the new kid got out from behind them and hugged them as thanks.

"Okay new kid, it's time for you to help us now."

The new kid nodded and followed them to Kenny's house. Once they were there, the new kid was greeted by Kenny's younger sister, Karen.

"Hey Kenny. Hey Butters. Hey new kid!" Karen smiled. The new kid smiled at Karen and waved at them.

"Okay new kid, let's go to my room." The two headed to Kenny's room and once Kenny closed the door, they told them his plan. "Okay so...Karen has been kinda down lately, so I thought Butters would kidnap Karen, and you and I will rescue her."

"...?"

"I'm still not sure how this'll make her happy Ken..."

"Don't worry, she'll be happy seeing you Butters, she always likes hanging out with you and your hamster minions."

"Well...alright...I better put on my costume then," Butters took off his backpack and took out his Professor Chaos costume.

"You too new kid. Get your stuff ready."

The new kid nodded. They only hope that this doesn't take too long.

After getting their costumes on, the three positioned themselves and got ready to initiate the plan. Kenny, dressed as Mysterion, signals to Butters to start now.

Professor Chaos barges into Karen's room and starts laughing evilly.

"Mwhahaha! It is I, Professor Chaos!"

"Oh, hi Professor Chaos!" Karen said happily.

"Oh uh...hey Kenny's little sister." Butters gave the little girl a wave. "Now Karen! I shall kidnap you and have an epic fight with my mortal enemy! Mysterion! Mwhahaha!"

"Not so fast Professor Chaos!" Mysterion barges in and looks threateningly at Professor Chaos.

"My guardian angel!" Karen said happily.

"..." New kid walks in to and just stood there.

"Oh, hi new kid," Karen said.

New kid waved at her.

"I won't let you steal Karen again," Mysterion said.

"Mwhaha! Who will stop me!?" Butters said.

"Me." Mysterion leaps in front of Professor Chaos and the two started fighting.

New kid watched them for a bit, but decided to sit next to Karen.

"Wanna draw with me?" New kid nods. Karen hands them a crayon and the two started drawing together.

* * *

"You have defeated me Mysterion...but next time...I will win!" Chaos said as they slowly leave Karen's room. "Also Kenny, next time, be gentle, you really hurt my leg you know."

"Sorry..."

"You saved me again my guardian angel!" Karen smiled.

"That's right Karen, remember, if you ever need me, I'll be there." Mysterion starts leaving Karen's room. "Buttlord, let's go."

New kid stands up and waves goodbye to Karen.

"Bye new kid! Thanks for drawing with me!"

Once Kenny and new kid were in the hallways, Kenny turns and thanks them. "Thanks again for keeping Karen company."

"...?"

"Oh...you were probably wondering what the point of this was since I barely interacted with Karen...well...lately...Karen has been shipping me and Chaos together..."

Oh, so that was why Mysterion and Professor Chaos were holding hands in that picture Karen drew, the new kid thought.

"I just...wanted to indulge her a bit..."

"..."

"What?"

"..." The new kid raised an eyebrow and crossed their arms.

"...I was only doing it for Karen...that's it."

"..."

"...Okay...maybe I also wanted to spend some time with Butters since his dad keeps grounding him..."

"..."

"...Ugh...what do you want me to do? Tell Butters how I feel about him?" The new kid nods. "...God damn it, but you have to be my support team here." The new kid looked at their watched and sighed. Maybe if they run fast enough, they'll make it on time. The new kid nods.

The two went back to Kenny's room, where Butters is waiting for them.

"Oh hey fellas...what took you so long?"

"Um...Butters...I have something to admit..."

"What?"

"The reason...I did this...wasn't just to make Karen happy..."

"Oh...um...okay...so what was the real reason then?"

"..." The new kid nudges them. "Okay okay...I...I did it...because...I just wanted to hang out with you more..."

"O-oh..." Butters started blushing. "W-well gee Kenny...if you just wanted to hang out with me more...you could have asked, I would have done it..."

"Yeah but...you just seemed so busy with stuff that...you know..."

"Kenny..." Butters moves closer to Kenny and cups their cheeks. "I could never be busy hanging out with you."

"...Aw...Buttercup..."

"..." The new kid stares at the two as their faces got really close to each other.

"...Oh um...new kid...you're still here."

"Oh..uh...ahem," Kenny backs up. "Thanks again for helping us new kid...you can leave now..."

"..." The new kid backs up and left. They were really confused at what just happened there. Before they left, they entered Karen's room to say goodbye.

"Oh, you're leaving?" The new kid nods. "Well, hope to see you again. I feel like I have three guardian angels now." Karen smiled. New kid heart clenched, this child was too pure for this awful world. New kid would have stayed longer and pat the girl's head, but they were in a hurry. New kid got out of Kenny's house and ran.

Finally, that pizza was going to be theirs.

* * *

They finally made it back home. New kid's mother greeted them at the door.

"Hey sweetheart. How was you day?" The new kid gave her a thumbs up. "...Good huh? That's nice dear."

The new kid went to the fridge. They took a deep breath and was happy that they'll finally get the last slice of...

Nothing. The last slice of pizza was gone.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry, but your father already took the last slice."

What...but how!?

"Hey kiddo," The new kid's father greeted them as he climbs down the stairs.

The new kid walks towards their father and glares at them. They wanted answers.

"What?" The new kid held up the empty plate where the slice of pizza should be. "Oh...well...I finished work early so I came home early...about an hour ago. So I just took the pizza...what? Don't be greedy. Just because you're our only kid doesn't mean you can't learn to share."

The new kid huffs angrily and throws the plate on the ground.

"Oh honey, don't start a tantrum. We can always order another pizza for you if you want." Their mother offered.

No. After what they've been through, all they wanted was the last slice of pizza. All they wanted was to relax at home, watch some cartoons, while enjoying a reheated pizza. Instead, the new kid was greeted with nothing but a empty pit in their stomach that the pizza could have filled.

"Sweetheart?"

"Where are you going kiddo?"

The new kid didn't answer, they headed towards the door. They might as well go on a walk while they plan on how to end their suffering.

Once the new kid left, their parents continued to look at the door.

"Yeesh...what a drama queen..."

"You know how they get when it comes to pizza."

* * *

The new kid continued walking in a random direction. They stopped and decided to sit on the sidewalk. They sighed as they watched the moon slowly rising.

This whole day was pointless.

"Oh...hey new kid, what are you doing out here this late?" Kyle asked when he stepped out of his house.

"..." The new kid didn't say anything...not like they did anyways, but Kyle could tell something was wrong.

"You look sad...you alright dude?"

"..."

"...Hey come on, cheer up...hold on." Kyle reenters his house and then came back out. He was holding a pizza box. Kyle sets the box next to the new kid. "Here, why don't you grab a slice of pizza."

"...!"

"Yeah, my mom is working late today, so my dad said we could order some pizza. You can have a slice or two if you want."

The new kid looks at Kyle then back at the box. They slowly opened it. It was pepperoni. Their favorite.

The new kid's eyes were now full of tears. They stood up and gave Kyle a hug.

"H-hey...come on...it's just a slice a pizza. You don't have to get emotional about it." It wasn't just a slice of pizza to the new kid. It was a gift from an angel who happens to be Jewish. The new kid leans forward and kisses Kyle on the lips. "...H-huh!?" Kyle blushed after the new kid lets him go and sat back down, taking a slice from the box. "Y-you just kiss me!"

"..." The new kid ignored him as they enjoyed their pizza.

"...U-uh...you...you really like pizza...huh?"

The new kid nods. Kyle watches them as they savor the slice in their hands. Kyle didn't know what to do, so he sat down next to them and grabbed a slice himself.

"Y-you didn't have to kiss me you know...especially on my lips dude..." Kyle blushed.

"..." New kid smiles and leans against Kyle's shoulder.

"H-hey...if you keep doing stuff like this people will think we're a couple of something..."

New kid grins at him and kisses Kyle on the cheek.

"Geez..." Kyle continued to blush, but didn't make any moves to push them away. They continue to eat their pizza on the sidewalk while watching the moon get higher and higher.

New kid thought this day was weird, but at least they got their pizza. They were happy.

* * *

The next day, new kid was walking to school, while holding Kyle's hand.

"I-I still don't know why you want to go to school together..."

"..."

"...I really wish you would talk so I don't have to guess all the time."

"..." The new kid leans forward and kisses Kyle on the cheek.

"I said not in public!"

"Woah, since when were you two a thing?" Stan asked. Stan and Wendy were holding hands as they came to school together.

"W-we're not a thing...at least officially...this is just a trial." Kyle blushes.

"Okay...he is that Craig and Tweek...what is Craig wearing?"

Craig and Tweek came to school, holding hands. Craig was wearing the hoodie that Tricia got for him. His hair was curled and he had a bit of eyeliner and lip gloss on.

"Oh my gosh Craig, you look cute!" Wendy said.

"Shut up. Tweek just said that I should embrace my other self more and that I should be more open with it...but if you assholes laugh behind my back then you're all dead!" Craig blushed.

"Don't worry Craig, you're too cute to be laughed at," Tweek smiled as he kisses Craig's cheek. Craig started blushing.

"Hey fellas!" Butters greeted while holding Kenny's hand.

"...Since when were you two a thing?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, me and Butters are just really really good friends," Kenny said. Both he and Butters started giggling together. New kid looked at them, they were still really confused about them.

"...Is it me or does it look like everyone is getting all lovey dovey all of a sudden?" Kyle asked.

The new kid shrugged.

"Hey...guys..." Everyone turned and were horrified when they saw Cartman.

"What the fuck happened to you fat ass?" Kyle asked.

Cartman looked...fatter than usual. His body is covered in sweat and grease. He had food stains all over his shirt, which barely covered his stomach anymore, his hair was poking out of his hat, and his face look chubbier than usual.

"Well no thanks to the new kid...I had to go around and eat all my favorite foods...on my own...which I did!"

"...Dude...how are you still moving!?"

"Well like I said, I would prove to my mom that I don't need to diet. In fact, she cancelled my diet planned when she saw me this morning."

"...Dude...I don't think a diet would even help you at this point...I think you need to see a doctor..."

"No I don't, I look so healthy right now...that...that I can't feel my left side...or my right...huh..."

"..."

"...Shit!" Cartman collapses on the ground and starts foaming in the mouth.

"...Can't we just leave him like this?" Kyle asked.

"Come on Kyle," Stan sighed.

"Ugh...fine."

After calling the ambulance, the kids waited for the ambulance to come and save Cartman.

"...Are you really going to dress like that all the time now?" Stan asked Craig.

"...I'm thinking about it," Craig said.

"Oh, you have to let me and Bebe paint your nails then. We have the perfect color that goes well with that outfit."

"...This is why I didn't want to reveal my secret to anyone," Craig groaned.

"Oh come on, I'll let you style my hair when we go home today," Tweek offered.

"Deal. Hope you like braids."

"Yesterday...must have been really interesting for you new kid." They nodded. "Huh...so...what do you want to do after this? We could um...watch TV or play some video games if you want..."

"..." The new kid stands up and stares directly at Kyle with a determine face.

"W-what?" Kyle asked nervously.

"...Sorry, but tonight is Taco night! If you value your life, then you never get between me and tacos!"

**Author's Note:**

> ...I know...this concept was completely stupid, but that's what happens when you're slightly sick and don't feel like writing something actually serious or have a real story in it. This is what you get...and I hope it made you laugh.
> 
>  
> 
> Hey hey, if you like this much craziness, go visit my [tumblr](http://roseyblogstuff.tumblr.com/) and see more shit like this...or don't...you do you man.


End file.
